Live Better

The ancient Greeks practiced something called cledonomancy, a form of divination via random remarks. The way it works is you stick your fingers in your ears, then head out into the marketplace. At a certain point, you take your fingers out of your ears. The first words you hear, well, that’s your portent, that’s your sign.. So I thought I’d give it a try.

I went down to Walmart and headed into the store with my fingers in my ears. Nobody looked at me strangely, no security guards approached. One might get away with anything under certain circumstances. I scouted around for the most crowded aisle—chips and soda, as it turned out—so I would be assured of hearing some random remark. It was crowded alright. People were pushing and shoving as they grabbed items off the shelves. Some even appeared to be yelling at each other. Perfect!

So I worked my way to the middle of the aisle and unplugged my ears. First words I heard—and they were piercing—came from a woman with a gravelly voice: “Okay, let’s pay for our crap and get the hell outta here!”

Her words did give me a certain chill. But having no need myself for any omens on this fine and snowy first Sunday in February, I now pass her words along to whomever might need them. Enjoy your game.